Full Moon 13

Crazy lady rants

losing weight is a waiting game…

Short blog today, I have too much to do.

Started this lifestyle change for real on March 28th. It’s been 2 weeks and I’ve lost 4 pounds. I started off at 217.6 and today I checked in at 213.4


I haven’t exercised at all outside of my normal housework. I’m a stay at home mom with no kids at home during the day as they are in school. So it’s just me, HULU, 4 cats, 1 big dog and a shit ton of chores.
My breakfast has been the SAME thing for 2 weeks. 2 boiled eggs (sometimes I dont’ eat the yolk) 4 slices of turkey bacon and tomato slices or cucumbers.
My Lunch as been the same thing. 1 can of Starkist tuna in water, (or 3oz grilled chicken) 2 cups of Organic 50/50 spring mix & spinach, (1 small sweet pepper, 2 tblspn red onion, and other veggies) 2 tablespoons of Olive Garden Italian dressing. It is so filling and good it’s amazing
my dinners… ehhhh  I need to work on that. Once everyone is home I lose self control and motivation. with 2 kids and a husband it’s stressful and I’m an emotional eater. BUT I have made drastic improvements over the past 2 weeks and I expect to keep fighting.

i went from drinking 3-6 sodas a day. (GROSS) to I’ve had 2 in the past 7 days total. I still drink my homemade dunkin Donuts french vanilla iced coffee with 2 tblspn DD extra extra creamer 🙂 (2-4x a day) NOBODY will take my iced coffee away lol drinking it literally keeps me sane. There’s just something about it.


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I Got a Breast Reduction (part 2) Update 2 years later

Hey reader, If you’re reading this before reading part 1 of “I Got a Breast Reduction” please read it now. https://bluegirl208pounds.wordpress.com/2014/01/07/i-got-a-breast-reduction/

ok, Thanks for taking that few minutes to read part 1, now for part 2 AKA Update!

It’s been 2 full years since my reduction and I’ve settled in to a 38DD but guess what? They are uneven and both are different shapes. Probably from the complication I had. But still.

Instead of gaining self esteem and losing weight like I had hoped, planned and tried doing I now weigh 30 pounds more and my boobs are ugly. No, not from the scars;  having a chest that looks like frankenstein actually doesn’t bother me. No, it’s the shapes. Yes plural, SHAPES! I guess because of the life/death complication I had on my left breast it caused a change in shape. But hey! I’m alive and well, so I guess I should be thankful. Eh, sure. I guess.


*less back pain
*less neck strain
*shirts fit
*bikini tops fit better than they did before (Not that I belong in a bikini top, but life is short- so screw it! )
*I can exercise completely free now, no bruises or porn act


*odd shapes created a non existent bra size
*torpedo boobs anyone?
*bat wings!  or at least that’s what they call them. It’s disgusting pockets of fat (aka side boob) left over from my once ginormous breasts. Insurance doesn’t cover Lip Suction and I’m not wealthy so I can’t afford lipo to remove it.

*LOW-er Self esteem- Get a breast reduction they said. ( and I said)  Boy was that a mistake. I had NO IDEA how big a part of who I was lied within my boobs. Apparently It was the only thing I had going for me. I hated them because I hate attention. I hated people (women and men) judging me because of them. Both sexes thought I was some kind of slut, so both sexes would make comments.  But now that I don’t have them, I miss them terribly. When the world around me went wrong, “at least I have big boobs”. When other girls tried flirting with my husband, “at least my boobs are bigger than hers, I’m good” When I needed a snack and food was nowhere to be found, I could just reach down my bra and pull out a full course meal. (totally kidding, I even just gagged a little just saying that LOL)
Now, I’m just fat with little boobs and totally disproportionate. A body that was never mine and I don’t recognize it.


Funny story:
When I needed to get out a ticket, “use the boobs! unzip your jacket a little” I’d tell myself and it worked. Or it could have just been my personality that got me off. I was always respectful towards the officer, yes sir, I’d always admit my guilt . Mind you it was 2am and I had just gotten off work as a waitress back in my college years, I sat at a red light to turn left and the damn light just wouldn’t give me an arrow. So after about 2-3 light changes I said “fuck it” and turned left on red. (not a single car in sight) So I made the left and damn it if I didn’t hear the little WHOOP WHOOP and the lights. OH MAN!  Ipulled over and looked but no cop. HUH? where’d he go? So I stayed on the shoulder because I just turned left on red and I KNOW he’s coming for me. I got my information out and waiting for him. He got to me about 30 seconds later. Cop comes up to my window smiling “do you know why I pulled you over?”  I said  “yes, I turned left on red, and technically I pulled over and waited for you LOL) He laughed and said well, you waited about 2-3 lights before you turned, but didn’t you see me sitting there?  I looked him right in the eyes and said “officer, if I  saw you sitting there, I wouldn’t have made an illegal turn”  He laughed again and told me he appreciated my honesty. Told me there he was just going to run my information and as long as I didn’t have any problems he’d let me go.  Of course I didn’t, I was/am a good girl. So, boobs or personality, or both. Either way I had the confidence to smile at a cop.

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Day 10, it’s getting easier.

I update my facebook more than my blog, but since I now have a few people who follow this shit storm I call a blog, (and I appreciate each and every one of you ♥) I figured I’d update you all.
I’m on day 10, honestly I didn’t think I’d make it past day 1-7. Last Friday (April 1) I weighed in because I knew I wouldn’t make it past the weekend and have anything good to report on Monday. So, on Friday I weighed in at 215.0. I started out at 217.6. WAHOO! Hard work does pay off!

I haven’t started a real exercise schedule yet. Every time I try to lose weight I dive in head first and fail every single time. This time I am literally taking it one thing at a time. I’ll add in exercise later, but for right now, I need to get my food straight. Plus, I’m solar powered and this weather here in the south BLOWS!!! One day it’s 70 and sunny, the next its 30 with flurries. I give up. I have a really nice treadmill too, but that shit boring. It makes a really nice clothes rack though. LOL You should get one! ;-)~

This Monday (April 5th) I MADE IT THROUGH THE WEEKEND!!! OK, Friday I totally failed. During the day I did ok, but when the kids came home and the husband I went from strong and confident to FUCK IT real quick. I thought my journey was done. I committed diet suicide.  But I surprised myself when I woke up Saturday and felt ok. My strong and confident mindset returned. So I kept going. Monday when I weighed in, I was 213.4. YEAH BUDDY!.

Starting weight: 216.8   3/25/16   (real starting weight was 217.6)

Last week:             215.0  4/1/16
Current Weight: 213.4   4/5/16     I’m excited! 🙂

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Dieting fucking sucks!

Here we are on day 5 of this pain in the ass journey. I hate every part of it! I am moody, I’m irritable and this is why I could never even get past day 1 in the past. I’m on day 5 and while I’m extremely proud of what I’ve done over the past 5 days there is a huge part of me where the fat girl is winning. I just want to give up and go back to “i’m fat and there’s nothing I can do about it” But that dumb ass skinny bitch inside me reminds me just how freaking miserable I am weighing almost 220 pounds. I’m miserable dieting, and I’m miserable being fat. I’ve reached the stage where I decide which miserable I can live with more. Realistically, I can live with the dieting more so than I  can the fat girl.

I managed to lose 1.8 pounds since last Friday. My goal is 2 pounds so I’m happy that I came that close. 2 pounds a week is hard, and being my weight I know it’s possible to lose 3-5 pounds in the beginning but I’m not forcing that nor focusing on that. I’m happy with 1.8 this week.

Why is that 1.8 loss not motivating me?? It should, but it isn’t. This is a slow process and I’m well aware of that fact. I didn’t gain 30 (82) pounds over night and I know it won’t come off overnight. It’s just hard. very hard mentally and physically.  When your body is so dependent on sugar and the chemicals in your brain lives off of it, it’s a horrible detox to go through for not being a drug addict. The slightest setback makes you want to resort to the one thing that makes you feel good and last night I gave into my “drug” SUGAR.  I went all day long eating well and sticking to my plan, and yes my home made DD FV iced coffee creamer has lots of sugar in it, but I’m not giving that up yet as it’s my only source. Last night, I ate 4 peeps, 2 hand fulls of Cheetos, 6oz of Pepsi and a small handfull of Robins Eggs (Whoppers). It was wonderful, until i realized I just failed myself. Whatever, I went to bed and slept it off, Today would be a new day. Well, today around 1030am I gave into SUGAR. 2 peeps and a handful of robins eggs. grrrr. I stopped myself and put that crap away before I  totally sabotage myself.  I’m just ill.

DIETING FUCKING SUCKS!  If you’re struggling with this journey as well, I’m here for you. We can do this. It does suck. It is hard. We will have times where we fall, but I think it’s important we get back up and keep going. We can’t just lie there and expect to lose weight. We have to work at it, accept our falls, accept what we’re feeling, what we’re going through and trust the process!
Starting weight: 216.8   3/25/16Current Weight: 215.0 4/1/16  -1.8