Blue Girl 208pounds

Crazy lady rants

Dieting fucking sucks!

on April 1, 2016

Here we are on day 5 of this pain in the ass journey. I hate every part of it! I am moody, I’m irritable and this is why I could never even get past day 1 in the past. I’m on day 5 and while I’m extremely proud of what I’ve done over the past 5 days there is a huge part of me where the fat girl is winning. I just want to give up and go back to “i’m fat and there’s nothing I can do about it” But that dumb ass skinny bitch inside me reminds me just how freaking miserable I am weighing almost 220 pounds. I’m miserable dieting, and I’m miserable being fat. I’ve reached the stage where I decide which miserable I can live with more. Realistically, I can live with the dieting more so than I  can the fat girl.

I managed to lose 1.8 pounds since last Friday. My goal is 2 pounds so I’m happy that I came that close. 2 pounds a week is hard, and being my weight I know it’s possible to lose 3-5 pounds in the beginning but I’m not forcing that nor focusing on that. I’m happy with 1.8 this week.

Why is that 1.8 loss not motivating me?? It should, but it isn’t. This is a slow process and I’m well aware of that fact. I didn’t gain 30 (82) pounds over night and I know it won’t come off overnight. It’s just hard. very hard mentally and physically.  When your body is so dependent on sugar and the chemicals in your brain lives off of it, it’s a horrible detox to go through for not being a drug addict. The slightest setback makes you want to resort to the one thing that makes you feel good and last night I gave into my “drug” SUGAR.  I went all day long eating well and sticking to my plan, and yes my home made DD FV iced coffee creamer has lots of sugar in it, but I’m not giving that up yet as it’s my only source. Last night, I ate 4 peeps, 2 hand fulls of Cheetos, 6oz of Pepsi and a small handfull of Robins Eggs (Whoppers). It was wonderful, until i realized I just failed myself. Whatever, I went to bed and slept it off, Today would be a new day. Well, today around 1030am I gave into SUGAR. 2 peeps and a handful of robins eggs. grrrr. I stopped myself and put that crap away before I  totally sabotage myself.  I’m just ill.

DIETING FUCKING SUCKS!  If you’re struggling with this journey as well, I’m here for you. We can do this. It does suck. It is hard. We will have times where we fall, but I think it’s important we get back up and keep going. We can’t just lie there and expect to lose weight. We have to work at it, accept our falls, accept what we’re feeling, what we’re going through and trust the process!
Starting weight: 216.8   3/25/16Current Weight: 215.0 4/1/16  -1.8

 

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4 responses to “Dieting fucking sucks!

  1. fitwithnogym says:

    Any weight loss, regardless of the amount is progress, especially in 5 days time so you should be proud of yourself for that. It’s always tough in the beginning but it does take 21 days or so to turn something into a habit so you just need to keep going! Before I started 4 weeks ago I made sure I cleaned out my kitchen (aka- gave to my husband to eat) so that there would not be any unnecessary snacks lurking around to tempt me. I then went to the supermarket and loaded up on low fat cheeses and fruits, so whenever I get a craving for something now, those are my only options.

    It will get better and easier with each passing day (expect for every once in a while but that’s ok, that’s what cheat meals are for!)

  2. dori says:

    Have you tried removing processed foods from your diet and adding in more whole foods? This really helped me with sugar a lot.

    Now, I do eat some processed foods – but I cut them out for a long time in the beginning just to end my dependency. It was definitely a big difference for me, and it allowed me to lose weight much more easily and helped to keep it off.

    • bluegrl13 says:

      Hi, this time I have cut out processed foods, because I learned the other 100x that they are not only addictive, but just in general bad for you. So this time around, I’m sticking to organic meats and vegetables, (if I can find them) and the only fruits I’m eating are apples and grapes. I’m also consuming 126 oz of water a day and not questioning it. I won’t go to bed until I finish the last of it. I have found that it helps fill me up and also having something to sip on cures my desire to binge eat. (for now anyways) This is a very hard process, as I’m only on day 5 and never succeeded even this far in the past. So I’m going to keep trying and the support from fellow bloggers here on WordPress is an amazing push. 🙂

      • dori says:

        Great plan. I dealt with a lot of appetite issues also, I wrote a couple posts with some tips. If you’ll excuse the vulgarity here is one: http://fatgirlsfitness.com/2016/02/23/seven-magic-pills-to-regulate-your-appetite/

        If you need any support, please stay in touch! Two of my childhood friends and I started our blog Fat Girls Fitness because we each lost a lot of weight after many years of struggling and we wanted to share our tips, recipes, and thoughts.

        I lost about 60ish pounds, my two friends lost even more.

        I’ve been there, so I know it’s tough but as long as you stick with it in the beginning you’ll get through! It’s so worth and of course gets easier with time. If I can do it (and I’ve always considered myself somewhat willpower challenged), you can do it. Here are my before and afters: http://fatgirlsfitness.com/2016/03/28/before-and-after/

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