Full Moon 13

Crazy lady rants

I’ve lost 30 pounds FINALLY

Catchy title huh? As much as I’d like to say I did this through hard work I can’t tell a lie.  After 9 weeks of *trying* on my own and making drastic changes I was only losing 1 pound a week. I know what you’re thinking, “1 pound is normal”, “it’s the healthy way to lose weight” “you’re more likely to maintain a slow loss”  NO! Have you ever been overweight? Have you ever struggled mentally with weight loss? If the answer is yes, great, I’m happy those mindsets worked for you. However, I’m part of a larger population of people that slow and steady does not win the race. Slow and steady for us causes us to get frustrated and give up.

I woke up one Monday morning absolutely fed up with the scale only moving a few ounces. I wasn’t able to commit 100% because well, I craved my old habit foods. I ate my emotions. blah blah, read my other blogs to catch up. But I was making significant changes compared to my old habits and I wasn’t seeing the weight loss to match my efforts. Which caused me to give up.

I called a weight loss center and made an appointment. Two weeks later I sat in a 4 hour class that taught us how to eat, what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat. How to read, study and understand nutrition labels. We were instructed to keep detailed hand written, calculated food diaries. No excuses.  We were measured, weighed and met with a doctor who laid down the law of his practice. Work for it and you will succeed, Don’t work for it, I’ll let you go. He told us He’s not going to waste his time or ours. (YAY! Finally someone who won’t take my shit, I need a firm hand on this journey)

He then Prescribed daily Phentermine 37.5 tablets and HCG Injections once a week. I was aware of this going in and did my research. I was desperate and didn’t care.

This was May 17, 2016. I was on key 100% for the first 3 weeks, then went camping and got back on soda and cheeseburgers, came home for week 4 before my check up and was still off the wagon. I lost 14 pounds my first month.

It took a whole week after that camping trip to get back on track. I quit soda (again) and started eating right (again)  I started losing again after weeks of sitting in a plateau.

From June 20th till now (July 18th) I have only lost an additional 10 pounds since my last weigh in. I went back home to philly for a week and came home extra depressed. I got off track for a week, no soda, but ate white bread again, ate dinner past 6pm, and would have a little ice cream cup a day, or a handful of this snack or that snack. I wasn’t eating my protein, or veggies like I was. I haven’t been writing in my food journal and keeping track of my calories, macros, or water intake. I haven’t exercised at all.

Although I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I am trying to make better decisions throughout the day. I’ve been off of soda for a while now and only having a few sips once in a while, I don’t even like it anymore. I prefer water more than anything, If i must have junk I consciously down a bottle of water first, and only take out 1 serving and cut it in half.  If I have to have ice cream I started buying those little chocolate & vanilla cups in a bag, I get like 12 for $2. They are 100 calories each and one is all I need. If I buy a carton I will fill a bowl up and make myself sick.

So I haven’t perfected what I’ve been taught but I’m trying. Having the kids off for summer break is hard on me with trying to keep up on my journal, and exercising because I can’t necessarily take them for 1-3 mile walks at 8am and it’s already hot out. Maybe that’s just another excuse I don’t know.

Starting weight: 220 March 2016

Starting weight loss center -212.0 May 17th

1st weigh in- 198.0  June 20th

Current weight 189 July 18th.

my weight loss doctor may kick me out of the program. I’m scared, I need him. I need more time!

The kids go back to school August 10th. I will make sure I get back on track 100%. My life depends on it. Doctor gave me a goal of 150 pounds. So as of right now I’m 40 pounds away! I’d love to see that Before December 25th, 2016.


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what’s considered “crazy”vs “normal”

Why can’t someone have a bad mood without someone saying “you need an anti-depressant” why can’t I have a lot on my mind, need time to myself before I go insane without someone saying “you need a stabilizer”
maybe I don’t feel the need to medicate my problems,maybe I prefer identifying my issues and finding a solution so I can move past it.
I am NOT depressed and I’m NOT experiencing erratic moods. I AM experiencing a lot of financial stress, a lot of relationship issues, a lot of torn feelings, I’m homesick, I was never country and never will be, I feel isolated, alone and used.
No pill will fix any of those problems. A pill will only numb the emotions that as a human being I am entitled to feel. I’m allowed to feel angry, sad, stressed out, emotional, just as much as I’m allowed to laugh, cry, walk or run.
I am a human being with a beating heart and a brain that thinks. Last time I checked having feelings is all part of being alive.
I have no desire to kill myself, I don’t hate anyone or anything, I am simply going through a stage that many other people go through in life. It’s called LIFE! But because I am different than some people I know, they can’t understand my way of dealing with things. They only accuse me of being ill minded and want me to go get pills. NO THANK YOU! been there done that, and unless I feel myself in a dark hole with death choking me, then I will very well deal with my problems head on so I can move forward with my life. Sitting still with a blindfold on never gets anything solved.
So, am I wrong/crazy for thinking this way? Or are these people suggesting a prescription is the answer just want me like them? popping pills to numb the pain and stress even though they wake up just as miserable, stressed, and unhappy as they were 25 years ago?????
somebody help me understand. No wonder I have issues. Being told who you are ultimately defines you. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I am okay and the people that have drilled it in my head my whole life are the ones with the problems???
Maybe my stages of depression are caused by my environment. Maybe my moods are normal. I mean do normal people have bad days? Do normal people ever feel stressed out or sad? Overwhelmed or feel like they need a change???  Or do “crazy” people only experience those things?

I am very aware of my mental state. There have been times in my life when I’ve been so depressed I knew it was more than just a bad day or a bad week. I knew I needed help and I went and got it to help pull me through. I know my brain is damaged. My whole gene pool has mental issues, I just feel like I have a better grip on mine and a better understanding on life and what makes me tick. I had a different up bringing than my siblings and my parents. My parents know me, but they have no idea who I really am. I was a latch key kid raised by a single father with help from a guardian angel, an earth angel and mothers of my friends. I share their DNA, but certainly not their way of thinking.
somebody who isn’t blood has to be able to make sense of this. Cause now I have it in my head I’m just crazy and need pills to numb me.