Blue Girl 208pounds

Crazy lady rants

Picking up the pieces from a mood swing.

I’m a bipolar moody bitch and sometimes my dark side gets the best of me and I end up having to live with the broken pieces my dark side broke. It’s my life. Moments of darkness, moments of light and partly sunny days in between where I’m stuck in both.

I think I know why I don’t hold grudges or why I don’t stay mad at anyone longer than a few minutes. It’s because I myself need forgiveness and therefore I also shall forgive. I need those around me to let go, as I shall also let go.
We all fuck up, we all have bad days, bad moods, bad periods in our lives. We all eventually grow past it, learn from it and sometimes we lose people we care about along the way. That too is part of the growth, part of the lesson.
People I’ve recently pushed away I have to ask myself if they were ever there to begin with. The answer is no, at least in my eyes. Because if they were It wouldn’t even be a question. If they were they wouldn’t have been so easily moved, and their absence wouldn’t feel as relieving as it does. Do I miss the silence? Nope. Do I miss the sarcastic asshole comments? Nope. Do I miss missing them while they pretended to be a ‘friend’ not at all. Do I miss reaching out to dead air? Not one bit. Yet not one of them ever had the balls to let me go. Was I the accident on the highway they couldn’t look away from but also had no interest in helping?
So as I grow through the debris my sensitive dark side left behind, I’m wondering if maybe I should appreciate it more for doing what the light hearted, sensitive light side was/is too scared to do?

Maybe the pieces don’t need to be picked up at all because they were already broken.

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